Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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