we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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