I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Randomize
