i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
