I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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