I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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