you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
