Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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