Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
