I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
