Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
