It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She's the barista slut.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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