i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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