I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
