Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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