I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
