her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
