just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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