I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
