She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
