$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
