He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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