You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
