instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
