We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
