We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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