cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
