Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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