Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
