I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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