Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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