Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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