i barfeds in our rink
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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