this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
