Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
This is my gift to your gina
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
