fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Houston, we have a blender
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
