No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
