I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
birth control should be required to get into college
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
