idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
