i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
