You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
