Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
