Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
