His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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