Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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