What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
