I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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