My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
