I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
