there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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