Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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