Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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