Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
