like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
